Sid Letter: March 2007 Options

[Mel]

Fasten your seatbelts, it's another Sid letter:

I owe you guys another letter. Not just because it's been ages since I last said hi, but because when I do occassionaly get around to checking up on what you're all saying - I find it very encouraging and one good turn deserves another.

Last time I wrote, I think I'd just conquered the Romans outside their capital before commiting suicide. I was about to head off to the Middle East to talk to this kid about the fact that she was pregnant, which I did, which she was, and that opened a whole new can of worms - believe me! I thought I was delivering an ordinary message to an ordinary girl - the sort of message that doesn't always go down so well. So I was figuring out who I'd recommend in case she required some counseling - I was going to advise her to be sure to get some sleep before the big day. I had even lined up a very smart Pharasee I knew who'd have been happy to file the right tabletwork to ensure some modest child support (I was pretty certain that the 'father' was prepared to cough up the dough). But she took it all surprisingly well. Even after the "this is going to change your whole life" speech, and "you do realise you're never going to wake up at midday again?" I didn't even begin to get into the whole subject of how much older than her the father was.

I had problems with Joseph. Nice(ish) guy - sorta guy you'd be happy to take back to meet mother - and leave him there. I asked him to perform the simplest of tasks, which in all honesty he had trouble doing. All he had to do was say a teeny white lie! That he was the father of this kid. Most normal men have no problem with that one.

I swear, there are some clients I have to revisit again and again and he was one of them. Decent guy - just not cut out for the whole immaculate conception routine.

I think it worked out in the end - but the actual kid was never easy - always getting into trouble. He was talented though. I'm told he could turn Perrier into Champagne. I never touch the stuff.

At this point I decided that it was time to come clean - to say enough is enough. No more.

I thought I had a good excuse to go see the President of the United States and lay it all out for him. Not an easy guy to get to. First I had to meet with this other guy who (I was led to believe) enjoyed kicking the living daylights out of people if he couldn't figure out an answer to something he needed to know. It turned out he didn't have the stomach for it so I had to nudge him a little - remind him how it was done. He caught on pretty quick - not like Joseph at all! Anyway - it was the same situation all over again: the message I had to deliver was so important that it was okay if a few people died along the way. And they did. I usually die too, just so people don't get offended.

That reminds me - and I think this is pretty odd - I have died - wait a minute I have to write this down because I can't do the math easily on my fingers ... I have died ... okay the first time was just stupid - a real amateur - I got caught in the cross-fire during someone else's thing - nothing to do with me, no heroism or nothing - in Jerusalem - that was dumb. But the second time was much better (not great but on the way there). I was walking up a mountain with a bunch of people I didn't know (as you do) in order to save someone I had never met with a backpack full of nitroglycerine (I think it was nitro - anyway it was yellow and weird and smelled bad). Me and my friend decided it was time to relax. Our only error was that my backpack leaked and this stuff bled onto the snow and (they never explain this shit before you sign up) when it came into contact with the sun, it exploded. And so did I. And so did my friend. Sherpas get a raw deal.

So that's twice.

Then I met up with these guys in a really remote part of the world where there was a castle and ... a dragon. That should have been a warning sign to me right there. That's thrice.

But no! I hadn't had enough. There was more dying to be done. I still hadn't tried to persuade a young kid (hello?) that it was a bad idea to put an end to his miserable life by blowing himself up. Don't get me wrong. It wasn't a bad to try and dissuade him, it was just a bad idea to be anywhere in the vicinity. Which I was - for a very brief time. That's fourice (how does it go after thrice? I'm going to run out of 'ices).

After that humiliation there was simply no point trying get close to a bomb before it exploded, so I drove out into the middle of the desert where, just for giggles, I was met by bomb attached to unmanned aircraft. I think I got in one good punch before the lights went out again. But by this time I'm beginning to get the message - people just can't be bothered to turn up anymore and see to my death personally. That's five-ice!

But I'm not so easily beaten. I have another trick up my sleeve - I can kill myself too. So I do, during a game of cards. Six-ice.

Hannibal - eightice.

Assad - ninice.

Hmm ... there's one missing. How on earth does that happen?

Is there something wrong with my career? Am I supposed to be on this planet to survive? Is that the meaning of life? Just don't die!

I'll write again soon to talk about all the people and places and thank you for being around to witness all this carnage.

Love,
Sid

I think I pulled something.

[mrsjack]

There really is only one way to respond to a letter of this kind.

Last time I wrote, I think I'd just conquered the Romans outside their capital before commiting suicide.

I had even lined up a very smart Pharasee I knew who'd have been happy to file the right tabletwork to ensure some modest child support (I was pretty certain that the 'father' was prepared to cough up the dough).

LOL!

I swear, there are some clients I have to revisit again and again and he was one of them. Decent guy - just not cut out for the whole immaculate conception routine.

LOL!

I think it worked out in the end - but the actual kid was never easy - always getting into trouble. He was talented though. I'm told he could turn Perrier into Champagne. I never touch the stuff.

LMAO!

I usually die too, just so people don't get offended.

LMAO - again!

(they never explain this shit before you sign up)

LMAO - yet again! Really, it's too, too much!

The death countdown----> ROTFLMAO!!!!!

and thank you for being around to witness all this carnage.

Ah, Sid! Thanks for the laugh! I so needed it. I know I hurt something and I'm sure something else broke. I look forward to the next letter, or more aptly titled, "Postcards From A Reaper".

Nothin' but love for ya'!

P.S. I know I overdid it on the smilies, but really, what else could I do?

[Nele]

Thanks for that wonderful letter
I´m still laughing. I had to read it twice and learned some new words
Thanks for that too, Sid.

Can´t wait to read the next letter

[POTHOS]

Thank you so very much for the letter Sid.

I do not like the sound of Assad's chances (bugger).

I sincerely hope that one of these days you will survive onscreen until the credits roll.

Enjoy your break.

Best Wishes,
Jude

[Mel]

For those who have been asking, the "caught in the crossfire in Jerusalem" role was Big Battalions. It is not currently available on DVD or VHS, so you'll have to go with Sid's description and TOC's photo novel for now.

[WISPGuy]

Sid, here is my thinking. Since you seem to have a knack for being blown to pieces in new and unusual ways, I propose you should do the following.

Star in a Jaws sequel in which you commit suicide by heroically throwing yourself into the shark's mouth wearing a backpack full of nitro, all while being chased by a dragon. I am also thinking it should be set in the Mediterranean in ancient times.

I enjoyed the letter.

-Mel's Big Bro

This post has been edited by WISPGuy: Mar 3 2007, 01:32 AM

[TOC]

Talk about irony! I've been snowed in for two days. The newsletter was done, but I couldn't get to the printers. I dug and dug and dug. I went out to do the last few feet between my driveway and alley and ... some kind person with a snowblower had done it for me! I was free. Free at last! Naturally I drove lickety split to the printers with my newsletter. I come home and there's a letter from Sid.

Do you hear the sound of teeth grinding?

Better call the printer.

Carol

[Mel]

I knew that was going to happen, Carol! See, this is why you should always check SCF before leaving the house.

Now, who do we see about writing that Jaws sequel...?

[charmedgirl]

I knew that was going to happen, Carol! See, this is why you should always check SCF before leaving the house.

Now, who do we see about writing that Jaws sequel...?

At least he made it through Kingdom of Heaven without getting killed

[fangirl]

Carol, I'm surprised you could leave the house. I got out, fell and blew out my knee. All very ordinary when you read this letter.

This was just the good laugh I needed.

Thanks Sid!

Joy

[ulli]

[Bonaparte]

As usual a wonderful read and a much needed pick me up.
Thanks Sid,
Bec

This post has been edited by Mel: Mar 4 2007, 04:28 PM

[TOC]

You may be asking yourself if Sid's letter will be in the March issue of the newsletter. Yes, between pages 10 and 11. I asked the printer not to staple the newsletter, I made copies of Sid's letter and am inserting, stapling, stuffing and stamping it today and tomorrow. They'll be in the mail Monday morning.

Why between pages 10 and 11? Believe it or not that was the first spot I could find where the feature or article didn't continue on to the facing page.

I once told our honorees that a letter was an automatic page one. I will now have to amend that promise to include the phrase "prior to the delivery of the CD to the printer".

It's a great letter. I would have been heart-broken if I'd been unable to include it.

Carol

[paulafromtwoson]

Ha~ Great letter!
Sid's letters are always so funny!

(Thanks to kira002 from Livejournal for posting a link to this! I almost missed it )

[dee]

Hi All (and especially Himself)

I know I haven't posted recently, but I have been lurking a lot. I just had to respond to this, though!

I laughed so hard the kids had to bring me a glass of water...and then get me to explain what was so funny. There followed an explanation of the movies Sid's been in recently - then I had to re-read - and another glass of water was required before I fell off my chair!

Sid, my dear, you are priceless and possibly wasted as an actor. (That was a pun. There are, however, too many definitions of "wasted" for me to be able to make a further joke without being sued ) You really should write. You're brilliant.

Love Dee XX

[SlinkyJ]

Posted by Mel in her what's new thread,:

I don't recommend drinking anything while you're reading it, unless you have a squeegee near by for your monitor

.

I am so glad for the warning, I happen to come up to the computer room to read this, with a full cup of coffee. I put that down and out of reach from flailing hands, (As I laugh), because I did laugh, and I laughed hard.

Ooohhhhh, to see Sid in a romantic comedy! Well, I figure that he wouldn't blow up and die, that is all! Is it too much for a Sidcitizen to ask?!?!?



By the way, Thank you Mel and Sid for the letter! You two are the best!

[Tara]

So it's been a really long time since I've visited sidcity. I mean a REALLY LONG TIME! And when I view it today, what do I see???? An absolutely WONDERFUL entry by Sid!!

I promise I won't stay away so long!!!

Sid, you're the best!
T

[Guest_Rocksea_*]

Poor Sid's characters!

Each time he gets a role I can just imagine each of his characters saying to Sid "Are you really really sure you want to do this role? Are you mad?!".

I swear, after you decide to retire from acting Sid you really ought to write a book in this way - with all the characters one after the other just dying at the end of each chapter. Then suddenly they live again as another character in the next chapter - almost like Quantum Leap! Hee hee.

This post has been edited by Rocksea: Mar 4 2007, 03:14 PM

[dee]

Oooh, I like that idea lots, Rocksea!

I definitely think Sid should consider the writing route - although, didn't he try that with "Night Witches"? I bet that treatment would be worth a read!

Love Dee XX

[POTHOS]

The thing is for me I do not want to loose him from in front of the screen. However actor/writer/director really has such a lovely ring to it.

Nice to see you back Dee by the way

Best Wishes

Jude